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This is Not For You

by This is Queer

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1.
Day-Glo 04:36
Here we go There's no turning back I'm in control And you're scared But don't you fear I won't let you go But I Just Might But who can say? That's why I love it! To see your face That's why I love it! Do I make you scared (It's not me) I'm in love with you (But you're too blind to see) My head's on loose (But I won't lose it, though) I Just Might But then you say, that's why I love it! It's how you betray, that's why I love it!
2.
Betray 04:15
If fears were shades They'd all be grey No shapes appear Down this hole There's lights that shine And turn to red And the pit of my stomach is growing But I am turning My back to you My vision blurs And it's all grey No colours I see before me I force my way through this mess And the pit of the universe is expanding But I am turning my back to you So don't put your hand on my shoulder
3.
Drone 04:50
The details have shown, and You're cover is blown There is poison inside and It whithers and dies on its own I thought that tonight I would want more of you But I feel nothing's new and I'm losing sight And time is a waste 'Cause there's too much to taste By the seaboards where you dock and cast off when you're done And I'm a drone But I'm too old and you don't see me It's these words we rely on Well, FUCK YOU! I don't need you I don't even like you But still you control me Oh I slither and hide from the rising tide Down a landscape of gold where there's nothing sold I have tried to be nice even offered advice But you cut me, and still I haven't had my fill And I'm a drone But I'm too old and you don't see me It's these words we rely on Well, FUCK YOU! I don't need you I don't even like you Well, FUCK YOU! I don't need you I don't even like you So I'm moving on
4.
Motel 04:38
You cock your gun But the walls are thin And I'm down but I am not asleep I hear her moan And the walls are thin And the sound, it sounds so much like me I thought I heard you say my name Is it real or am I just dreaming? You make me weak But you don't know me And I made you up from scratch You're everyone and you're no one And you do this all of the time Your body makes you better than me But your mind tells me it's a lie I fight you but I'm still drawn to you If it takes me the rest of the night But I lie here staring up at the sky Hoping it'll happen tonight You cock your gun and the hormones drip Down your arms, away from your face I hold my gaze and I disappear It's safe here where I'm just a trace of something else You're everyone and you're no one And you do this all of the time Your body makes you better than me But your mind tells me it's a lie I fight you but I'm still drawn to you If it takes me the rest of the night But I lie here staring up at the sky Hoping it'll happen tonight Got me in the back, way back in back Your plan of attack To stick me way back in the back
5.
The Same 04:31
There's a finger In my brain I remove it But it remains It wriggles until I die But I keep living As it appears 'Cause it's the dying That I fear And if I stay so still Maybe nothing will change Stay the same Stay the same Stay the same Hope that nothing will change So this finger In my brain It sticks there until I grow insane And if I pull it Maybe it will die But that doesn't happen Not anymore 'Cause it's me who keeps holding up the door And I'm too scare to move Maybe nothing will change Stay the same Stay the same Stay the same Hope that nothing will change
6.
I hear you making sounds But you're too far off for me to make 'em out But you hang on just as fast as you can I'm doing all I know to do There's mantras and tantrics and sticky goo And there's livers and airways that have been over-used I believe in what I'm doing Half the time I feel you respond Please don't take so long I'm just a step away from falling off this edge What do you want me to say? What can I say? To make everything change? What do you say? That I was all wrong There really is a song That holds you back so that you're not falling You're not falling off that edge There's mantras and tantrics and sticky goo And there's livers and airways that have been over-used I believe in what I'm doing Half the time I feel you respond Please don't take so long I'm just a step away from falling off this edge What do you want me to say?
7.
1987 04:00
There's a time and a place to say the things you like You're gonna use all the words you know until you're right 'Cause you can't find a way OUT Bring your gun to a knife fight let's see what you got You're gonna be a big man someday but you're not 'Cause you just SHIT where you sleep And we all take it You want nothing close to equal And we've been nice for too long So you just slide right on out of here Slide right on out of here The beast is out on the loose again, run and hide! But the feeling he took from me left me dead inside So you just play you're little game And we will break it You want nothing close to equal And we are NOT backing down So let's just burn it all to the ground Burn it all to the ground.
8.
You don't need to, to protect me I've got that covered for myself You just lay there, oh where you're laying There's nothing more for you to do But that don't mean that I don't need you I need you always by my side Laying at my feet, oh with you're head up Wondering what I'm eating and can you have some You are the best dog That shaky leg you stand on soon won't give way Oh I got it all wrong I hope you forgive me, someday... I know you're always on the edge of Some big disaster, something that scares you But you can settle, I promise I got you There'll be no pain where you are going But if you're scared and you can't find me Know I'm always thinking, thinking of you And I will be there, faster then you know My scent is fading but I'll be with you before it's gone You are the best dog That shaky leg you stand on soon won't give way Oh I got it all wrong I hope you forgive me, someday... It should be forever I'm sorry it wasn't You fall and you fall and you fall and then everything's gone You're here then you're not, but the world just keeps moving on
9.
You struck the light of my big night It took a deal with the devil to get right But I bet there's dread, deep inside that head There's nothing left to cling to in the middle of the night Float away My insides keep bleeding in stems Float away And I just keep on picking at them I tried to make this the end, a contemplative friend Something you can rely on when you're riddled by the night But I'm better off And there's nothing wrong with me Don't you see? I'm still smiling. Float away My insides keep bleeding in stems Float away And I just keep on picking at them
10.
Swear 05:21
Take in the air that surrounds you (I can breathe) My heart is breaking and I know (I can see it now) I tried, I swear I know I tried (But here we are) Somewhere in the deep Somewhere in the shade from the time it took away Somewhere you can go Somewhere, "I will be there when you're looking for a way out" You know this story doesn't end well (But it's all I have) My breathing stops and there's no one here to save me (From where I ended up) Somewhere in the deep Somewhere in the shade from the time it took away Somewhere you can go Somewhere, "I will be there when you're looking for a way out" I've had my day I didn't know it then But it's my mistake You think you have time, but nothing's keeping (And it slips away) I've passed away That's all I have I have left to say So pull the shades down I'm still sleeping (Here I go) So pull the shades down I'm still sleeping (Here I go) So pull the shades down I'm still sleeping (Please don't go)

about

Trying to purge those dark and complicated feelings that bubble up during the pandemic. Sometimes you need to submerge yourself in those hard feelings before you can start to feel better. Written and recorded during the height of the pandemic when people were losing their minds.

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released November 11, 2022

All songs written, performed and produced by This Is Queer
Mixed by Jory Kevin Berger

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This is Queer Toronto, Ontario

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